I don't know what the heck I was thinking last week. Now I'm back to being stressed, unsure and sick to my stomach about practically everything in my life. So stupid. In fact, I'm home sick today. And if I had it my way, I'd stay home sick for the next twenty years. I'm totally having job freak out. Mine sucks, a new potential one scares me. Realistically, I don't know if I'm cut out for anything. And in the mean time I have a super time consuming article to write (it's not just the writing, but researching, visiting, calling, etc.) and it's too much to do on top of 40+ hours of day time work. If this one stupid story is making my panic, I don't see how I could possibly do this sort of thing on a daily basis, and with topics that I'm less interested in. I'm a low key person, that's why I'm a librarian, duh. Except that even my library job is over the top with deadlines and expectations. And no, I'm not being overly sensitive. The other day I saw an ad for government, NY state, librarian exams, and I actually considered it (you don't actually take a test, they just call your application an exam). I mean, that's pathetic because you know it'd mind-numbing and you'd totally work with freaks, not necessarily good freaks. But I know it'd be straightforward, all regimented with strict hours and scheduled raises and you'd never get fired. Stable and secure and boring, which part of me is really drawn to. It's in my blood. I used to work at the county library in Portland. My dad was a county employee. I recall him saying "you'll never get rich, but you'll always have a job and benefits." Bah, it's really the route for underachievers, lazy asses and depressives, which is me in a nutshell. I'm tempted to just go back to bed and I just got up an hour ago.