Mall Tease

Do you know what’s annoying?

Decommissioning all three New Jersey Uniqlo locations to focus on Manhattan. Yesterday, I was very upset (Ok, just mildly—James is more into Uniqlo than I am) to see that the shiny red storefront at the Menlo Park Mall had be replaced by some trashy clothing store with 2 in the title.

Perhaps the NYC store has the exact same selection of merchandise and prices (though I’m not convinced of that) but I have no desire to shop in Soho. I don’t like Soho; I like Edison, NJ and being able to pick up cheap colorful clothing from a Japanese chain without running into tourists or locals who might as well be tourists, and then driving across the street to Benihana afterward.

Uniqlo is dead to me.

EyeintheskyDo you know what’s irrationally laugh inducing?

When you’re feeling kind of serious doing thigh presses or something at the gym and Duran Duran’s “Hold Back the Rain” comes on your iPod. Second runner up is Alan Parsons Project, “Eye in the Sky.”

Though all it takes to shatter this illusion is a grunter. Not a guido grunter–because you can’t fight nature–a guido’s going to grunt. But a Cobble Hiller who reads while using equipment and selfishly hogs machines because apparently they think they’re in a freakin’ den (the same genre who cluelessly block all store aisles with their fertility drug, double wide strollers). If you’re perusing Marion Nestle’s, What to Eat while squeezing in a few bicep curls every couple minutes, you are most definitely not allowed to grunt. However, I’m allowed to scream (in my head, of course).

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