Formerly Known As

Formerlies "According to Ms. Dolgoff, women in their late 30s and early 40s fall into a 'new category of person: adult ’tweens, not quite middle-aged, but no longer our reckless, restless, gravity-defying selves.' Their new moniker: Formerlies, as in formerly hot."

The more I read the New York Times style section, the more I want to die. Also, this is the same, hideous, two-toned not on a purpose hair color that I have from using semi-permanent brown on my entire head and having all of the gray chunks eventually wash out to a lighter, golden brown than the natural dark hair that remains. F.K.A. normal hair.

Photo from Joshua Bright for The New York Times

3 thoughts on “Formerly Known As

  1. This article effing chaps my ass. I can’t even believe it was considered newsworthy. It’s sad. Why are they wasting copy on this?? If anyone is truly “formerly” hot, it’s men hitting their fucking ’40s. Not to slag too much on the inevitable challenges of midlife weight gain, but, truth: have you ever noticed how many hot young male movie stars totally pork up at midlife?? ALL OF THEM!! The main example I can think of currently is Luke Wilson. Totally Formerly Hot. So Wwhere’s the freaking article about his former hotness? Frankly, I’m outraged. He was totally hot, and you know dude can afford a chef and a trainer. Step up, yo.

    The only possible positive thing that could come out of this article is that certain types of women will decide not to breed because it obviously compromises their hotness.

  2. portlandgrrl: Yes, I’ve called them Fat Men Waiting to Happen. Vincent D’nofrio was there….and then he crossed over. Simon LeBon from Duran Duran has always been one. Definitely Luke Wilson. Leonardo DiCaprio will eventually get there.

  3. Yes! It really should have been an article about the men. Women (in general, and esp celebrities) work too freaking hard to prevent this, and get freaking excoriated in the press when it does happen.

    Men aren’t used to having to control what they eat (unless they are fat in childhood) so when their metabolism plummets in their late 30s/40s, BOOM! There it is. Waiting to happen. It’s happened so many times to so many celebrities…if they were women, it would be on the cover of USWeekly or the Enquirer immediately, and they would not get jobs. Period.

    And the more I think about it….the more I suspect some kind of sinister conspiracy behind this particular article!! Just the week prior, the NYT ran a huge cover story in the Magazine about Laura Linney, and how her career is really taking off at midlife, and how hot she is, and WOW! because she’s 47. And another article ran in the Arts section about Patricia Clarkson, basically on the same theme, and how HOT she is (even the young SNL dudes think so!!), and WOW! she’s 49.

    Someone at the Times must have been, like, WHOA! Too much positive reinforcement there for old hags. Must do something to stoke their insecurities so they keep buying anti-aging shit!! Quick, before our advertisers notice!!!

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