The prospect of getting to sleep in a bed my last might before getting to sleep in a number of Bay Area beds was exciting enough to motivate me to open the 38-pound box, pull out all the parts, assemble all the screws and washers, read the instructions, take it personally that CB2 considers this a two-person job, then realize I'm missing the bed rails. Oh, that's a separate box that hasn't arrived yet.

I've already discovered that there is a delivery vortex ocurring. Twice I've received alerts that USPS packages have been delivered and they don't show up until the next day. These things are trackable in the modern era, so if this is a case of postal workers fudging deliveries that's not going to do. Fed Ex says the other half of my box is out for delivery, but it's already evening now. In the old days, i.e. September, a delivery alert meant my package was downstairs waiting for me.

This is very important not because I desperately needed the sheets or paper towel holder I ordered from Target six days ago, but I was really counting on that box of 108 pantiliners before going out of town. I'm the world's biggest pantiliner apologist, no shame. I already hit the Rite Aid today for generic Advil, an emory board and lip balm, and purposely did not buy pantiliners because Target not only promised they would be here today, I was emailed and texted to say they…oh fuck, I just checked my email to note the time this was supposedly delivered and realized it was shipped to my old address. This is why you should delete all old addresses from your ecommerce accounts immediately upon moving. Oh, and not blame local carriers for your own errors.

At least I'm getting really good at breaking down boxes into managable pieces and tying them so securely one would think cardboard was gold. It's quite a thing here. So serious, in fact, I may end up investing in a box cutter and my own twine. I now get what a porter is/does (we do not have one here, I was informed) and why we were asked to tip them at Christmas last year. I will forever cherish my brief time in a luxury building. That was the old me.

The new me will be spouting a lot of nonsense using the new category "Queens 4 Life." I will force myself to not create a "Pantiliners 4 Life" tag too.

One hour later: Target will send me a gift card for $51.07 and my old super will send the package back. My seven-foot long bed package arrived and I am lucky to live in the aparment with a door that's only seven steps up, not quite a full flight of stairs, nearest to the front door, so often delivery people will carry packages up to my door rather than leaving them in the foyer. I don't think I could get that box up multiple flights of stairs, myself.

Packing is important, but I'm putting that damn bed together first.

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