My alarm never went off this morning even though I swear I set it for 8:30am like I always do. At least I didn’t sleep through it. I should’ve known something was wrong because I could hear lawn mowers and my brain was like shouldn’t I be up if outdoor tasks are being accomplished? (Though not always–the building supers are often out front of my window cleaning at ungodly early hours.) So, I woke up at 9:25am, with a sore throat and earache which wouldn’t be a big deal except I had a work meeting this morning and I prefer attending in person even though I can call-in and did.
I was totally delusional yesterday. Yeah, crazy. Maybe I was getting a fever. It would’ve taken just 24 hours before I was noticed not participating or showing up to work. Also, I don’t think I’m being ghosted. Sometimes I just like more attention that I receive and not in a needy way at all. I’m still not great at being a whirlwind and confident and pitching my writing all over the place and rejection makes me physically uptight. That’s true.
Tangentially related, I wasn’t really following the Yi-Fen Chou poetry flap but I did read this Buzzfeed essay, and yes to all this. Haha, 40 times.
I won’t be scandalized by a white man who hasn’t considered that perhaps what helped his poem finally get published was less the fake Chinese woman he pretended to be, and more the robust, unflappable confidence bordering on delusion that he and many privileged white men possess: the capacity to be rejected forty (40) times and not give up, to be told, “no we don’t want you” again and again and think, I got this. I know what will get me in. What may be persistence to him is unfathomable to me.
Anyway, do you think I need blue mascara? I’m all about getting into colored mascaras but the new-for-2015 purple Diorshow (my favorite brand) I bought myself for my birthday irritated and gooped-up my eyes (carmine allergy, I’ve discovered–purple has never given me trouble before, though, just super reddish-pinks) and I just covered up the violet in my hair last week with a semi-permanent dark blonde/bronzey shade, you know, for fall (totally going to wear all browns and wines tomorrow, unfortunately boots and sweaters are still not appropriate in 80-degree weather) so the purple makes less sense. This is by far the most pressing end-of-season question.
p.s. I totally got a vision loss migraine this afternoon at the gym that lasted for more than 30 minutes (usually it’s more like 20 min) so any theories on that are shot too. I clearly have no idea what I’m talking about ever.