Yes, I know there is a movie called This Is
40, and I regret missing the opportunity to attend an advance screening
Though not at autism levels, I sometimes wish I
could be less literal or maybe I mean earnest because all the best funny
writers online are the opposite of that. But I hadn't really been taking
middle-aged literally; I'm just opposed to the associations I have with the
descriptor, like an empty-nester who would take one of those Viking River
Cruises advertised before the start of Downton Abbey. Though my middle-age would be more Carnival Cruise.
I saw their dock on the Danube in Budapest. Cruising is actually on my to-do list now that I've
experienced the Dubai drinks in a "seven-star" hotel.
If I take middle literally, though, I may have to
concede that I am, indeed, middle-aged. 80.8 is the life expectancy for a
female in the US it seems. That's better than I thought. In fact, I'm probably already
past the half-way point given the familial evidence, both sides, a double
My mom mentioned in an email this weekend that her
uncle, one of those odd uncles who is actually younger than the niece or
nephew, had died. Hepatitis C, which of course I didn't know he had because I
don't recall seeing him in probably 35 years based on photos I'm imagining, or
ever really. Maybe I never met him. I think he was in jail in the late '90s or
early '00s? No idea why. He was 59, three years younger than my mom. His
middle-age wouldn't have even have been 30.
My father's middle age would've been just shy of 31.
Like I said, there's a ghoulish pattern on both sides.
To date, based on countless aunts, uncles,
grandparents and even cousins, making it past your 60s is a feat. So far, only
my grandma, the sister of the recently deceased, is on track to be at least
average, a rare case where average is as good as it gets. She'll be 78 in a few
weeks (or is it 79?) That's not old, especially for my age when people often have
parents in their 70s.
So, If I'm lucky I'm middle-aged today. With
possibly half or more than half of my life already gone (or half yet to unfold
if you're a glass half-full type). I need to get my shit together stat, which
means…I have absolutely no idea what that means. I will start with trying to
get out of bed before 9:30am on a weekday. Maybe I'll take a cruise.