Waiting for the Great Pumpkin

Cinematic randomness a.k.a. I really just want to talk about the retard from Pumpkin

Pumpkin2_2 

Two Saturdays ago I saw Margot at the Wedding, which was neither here nor there. I totally forgot Jack Black was in it. He got busted making out with a teenager and started doing this crazy crying that I thought was a joke but was meant to be real and I felt even less compassion for the man than I normally do. I hesitate to put him into No Fat Dudes for being engaged to Jennifer Jason Leigh’s character and for inexplicably winning over a youngster or else my on again off again category will be overwhelmingly dominated by Jack Black.

James said I remind him of Margot and her son, which is just nuts because I’m neither an attractive, self-serving, Barnard-educated, New Yorker-published Jewish Manhattanite nor a beleaguered, precocious and inappropriate preteen boy with B.O. who likes to cook popovers.

I’m more moved by trailers for The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. Even though I have no first-hand experience with ‘80s art scene (though I would like to see Richard Prince’s Guggenheim retrospective before it closes) or any particular loathing of it, I want to not be drawn to Julian Schnabel’s film. But every time I see the damn preview (twice now) I feel like bawling. I don’t know if it’s the music, imagery or what, (maybe it’s the thought of blogging through blinks of an eyelid that brings tears to my eyes) but something weasels into my psyche every time. I also get choked up at that horrible tugging-at-your-heartstrings ASPCA commercial with Sarah McLachlan so maybe I’m just a sap.

It was this past Saturday that I became mesmerized by Pumpkin, a film I wasn’t terribly moved by when it came out five years ago. It’s still pretty middling, though I’ve become dumber with age because parts were funnier than I remembered. Maybe my chemistry is out of whack, but the main reason I couldn’t turn the channel was because I was blindsided by the hotness of Hank Harris, the retarded title character who gets laid by pre-scrawny Christina Ricci (though I do apprecaite the IMDB commenter who thought she was fat and disgusting in this movie). I didn’t find him hot in the least during my original viewing. And now there’s something about the way his hair flops, his slack mouth, the gym shorts, how love encouraged him out of his wheelchair…

It’s very wrong.  It bums me out that I can’t speak as freely of my non-ironic tard-love as I used to. I don’t know if the climate had become less accepting or if I’m just more mature and sensitive to insulting the disabled. I do think it’s must that I see Billy the Kid, though.

The strangest part of my Hank Harris fascination is that I declared him unstalkable nearly a decade ago for his obnoxious portrayal of Chef Boyardee’s Beefy Boy. A most improved award is definitely in order. Though I can’t find any current photos of him and scary things happen to E-list youngsters as they age. I’ll just pretend I didn’t see this newsboy cap bedecked shot with Kumar. What’s more frightening is that he’s wearing the same freaking hat a week later with Eddie McClurg.

Because I’m frequently unable to move off of the couch evenings and weekends, I also watched the movie after Pumpkin, George Washington (I managed to get up when Bread and Roses followed that) and was kind of blown away by its goodness. I don’t know why I never saw it originally. It’s kind of everything that Pumpkin isn’t: compelling, natural, real, gritty and beautiful to look at the same time. The dead opposite of campy, sad in a way that’s resigned but not tragic. I read the New York Times review and they almost painted it as a children’s movie, or at least a movie that would be appropriate for children. I definitely didn’t see any films like this as a kid, and still feel tormented by Oliver! and the time my dad rented European Vacation (which I watched last night for the first time) and my mom made him turn it off at the first sign of nudity.

17 thoughts on “Waiting for the Great Pumpkin

  1. yikes, i totally agree with you on pumpkin & hank harris.

    a few months ago i found some videos on youtube he apparently posted, being an idiot around the house (not a retard though). i’d dig them up for you but i have youtube blocked at work, grrrr.

  2. I think I might want to see that Julian Schnabel film. I really liked Basquiat and Before Night Falls.

    You and I discussed Hank Harris the other night, so you know how I feel. It’s not even a retard love. It’s a geek love for me. He was on that Bravo show, The It Factor, very briefly. He didn’t get picked to be one of the actors the series followed around L.A., but they showed him at the original audition. He had a briefcase full of kooky props, but he was very sweet. I found his demo reel (he was on the X-Files with a pre-blond Samaire Armstrong) and his page of his management company’s site:

    http://video.aol.com/video-detail/hank-harris-actor-demo-reel/3709661692

    http://sigilmanagement.com/index.php?option=com_comprofiler&task=userProfile&user=68&Itemid=44

  3. I just watched some of those youtube videos. WTF? I don’t get people who just post anything to youtube. The teapot video seriously looks like an audition for Pumpkin. Seriously, he’s shirtless and slightly buff while pretending to be retarded. I still like him, but he needs to lay off the youtube.

  4. rachael: thanks for enabling my inexplicable mania.

    Heather: thanks for making me look like a kook. It’s one thing to blather about about actor nobodies on the internet, but now everyone knows that I do it at parties too. Somehow that seems crazier. H.H. was also on Popular with pre-blond and pre-thin Sara Rue but I never watched the show. YouTube is a dangerous tool, totally the devil’s playground. I’m scared of it.

  5. One of the scenes from Popular was on the demo reel I linked to earlier! Krista, you totally gave away that we were talking about it at a party. I just said you and I spoke about it the other night. We COULD have just been sitting in front of the tv or something!

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