Polar Fleeced

Oh no, I’m starting to become fixated. It’s one thing to look up boyfriends and crushes past but it feels even dirtier to me to stumble upon personal blogs of former frenemies. Ok, I don’t really have enemies and only on few rare occasions in adulthood, have I ended friendships with women. Drifting apart, speaking infrequently till not at all, sure, but no dramatic severing of ties.

Except with this woman who I never had interest in keeping up with until I discovered that she was now living in my hometown as a stay-at-home-mommy with a BMW and in the market for a luxury loft. Fish out of water hilarity served up on a daily basis. Portlanders dress like shit and panhandlers/junkies/homeless aggressively harass you? I could’ve told you that. (Actually, I’m not fond of being hit up for spare change multiple times per block and am not crazy about polos, polar fleece and/or shorts being standard fine dining attire so perhaps I'm a bit Green Acres, myself.) A New Yorker moving to Portland wouldn’t be novel if they were of the Etsy, gardening, in a band, bike-loving (where else but in Portland would they stage a Michael Jackson memorial one-gloved bike ride?) indie persuasion, but this person is particularly status obsessed, label-crazed, has always lived above their means, while simultaneously being under-educated, emotionally stunted and extremely un-self-aware.

The latter part is most important because now I’m privy to all the thoughts and feelings of someone who thinks they are something while jobless in Portland. By far, the most fascinating aspect is that no matter what bits may have trickled into my ears over the past decade about how much she’s changed–marriage and children are rumored to make you grow up–it’s very clear that is utter bullshit. I find that refreshing, actually. A crazed egotistical nut will always be a crazed egotistical nut despite the love of a good man and the creation of new life.

I’m as retarded now as I was in my twenties and the same will probably be true in another decade. I’m fine with that. People don’t change and I don’t want them to. I appreciate consistency over personal growth. Note to Portland blogger: please stay immature and unintentionally funny.

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